Are you investing in yourself? 8
I’m asking this as a real question. It’s something I’ve been thinking about more and more, as I uncover ways in which my own conditioning has been to not invest in myself, and worse – to not realize I’m worth investing in.
It feels like women over 40, and probably some younger, have been conditioned not to invest but to spend – on consumer goods or for their families. Men, in general, have had more conditioning to invest (even if they’re also good at spending!).
It’s something we need to be aware of, in order to break through and claim our rightful place in sharing our unique gifts with the world. As the Dalai Lama famously said, the world will be saved by western women.
But how are we going to do that if we don’t realize our potential worth? If we don’t see the incredible value of sharing our gifts or our message? It takes investing in ourselves – being willing to take a risk – in order to do that!
I was reminded of this the other day when I spoke with a prospective client. She’s incredibly passionate about her message, and really wants to share it with large numbers of people in order to improve their lives. I could feel her desire to help others pouring through the phone line, and was really excited about helping her craft her story and message to share with them. And she really wanted to work with me, as my style of coaching resonated deeply with her.
But when I told her what it her investment would be, (a relatively modest amount), I could feel her backing off. She ultimately chose not to work with me. And I was upset. Not because I didn’t get a client, but because her message won’t be shared the way it could, and her passion for her topic won’t find its best expression. It might be a long time before she is finally able to make an investment in herself. And that’s a shame!
Do you do this? You know you have a message to share, you know you can make a real difference in the world, but you’re not able to bring yourself to invest up front to get the coaching or training you need in order to get there? Let me ask you, is it really a money issue, or is it that you’ve never considered spending money now (on yourself) to get a big return later?
A lot of it is in the way we were brought up. But once we identify and expose that, we can start to get past it. (And yes, it might be hard!) But it is right and necessary to invest in ourselves. The world needs us!
I’d really love to know what you think about this issue. Feel free to respond in the comments. (In some browsers you need to click on the blog title to have the option to leave a comment at the bottom.)
July 18, 2014 @ 11:00 am
I always wanted to have a one-on-one coach. Accountability (to a degree). Actionable insight. Another pair of eyes on my innermost workings.
On a fixed income though, sometimes it is just not feasible and would not result in positive energy or momentum to spend that money (if the bills can’t be paid, it’s not serving anyone). Sometimes things really are that tight…and the potential to make more of ourselves isn’t manifested or realized instantaneously!
I have had to pursue my truth through the resources I can afford…bits and pieces of newsletters, blogs, and the occasional book. Finally, this month I will be starting with a coach. It’s not that I have ever devalued the services or balked at the pricing; it just wasn’t peaceful for me to face losing things in order to have it right now. Your services are valuable; it may just not be her time in this moment to pursue them. I wouldn’t expel the energy on being frustrated. Everything in its right time. 🙂
July 18, 2014 @ 11:18 am
Hi Jessica, I agree that not everyone can actually afford to invest in themselves without serious financial difficulties. I don’t necessarily think that was the case here. She wasn’t yet at peace with the idea of taking a concrete stand to be “out there.” It’ll come! 🙂
July 18, 2014 @ 7:59 am
That’s a real issue for me! I’ve recently realized that I am much more likely to spend money on anything than on myself! Moreover, I noticed that I did not even formulate or somehow express my desire to get something for myself! I am even afraid of making a wish! That’s definitely not a money issue but rather a fear of something new! Especially in learning!
July 18, 2014 @ 10:18 am
Hi Daria, Identifying it is the first step! Now that you’ve seen it, you can really start to value yourself!!
July 18, 2014 @ 1:18 am
Lisa, this is a great message! You nailed it! I just signed up with a coach in my home town today. I have know her for years and sat under her teachings (on other things) many times. I have learned that holiness comes with a cost, and your marriage, your role as parent, and you role as business owner are all holy spaces! We must be willing to invest in ourselves if we truly want others to invest in us. One thing I have learned is that you have to treat yourself the same way you want others to treat you…kind of like the golden rule, “Do unto others…” however, you have to first do unto yourself what you want others to do to you. You want respect from your family? Respect yourself. You want true love from others…truly love yourself. You want some one to trust your business and invest in it…TRUST YOURSELF AND INVEST IN YOU! Simply put, you reap what you sow but it has to start with how you talk to yourself and treat yourself, and invest in yourself. Thank you for sharing this, and keep up the great work! May God bless all you do!
July 18, 2014 @ 10:20 am
Hi Regina, You’re so right about the Golden Rule – and you need to treat yourself the way you’d like to be treated. (Kind of like on the airplane, where they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping others…)
July 17, 2014 @ 11:23 pm
That sure is a shame, Lisa! I hope your prospective client changes her mind so that many more people other than you get to hear the excitement she shared with you over the phone.
July 18, 2014 @ 10:21 am
Hi Narah, I hope so too! Even if she chooses another speech coach than me, I really want her to get her message out there in a big way.